Twisted Funny Poems

The joy of twisted funny poems is that you don't realize how weird you really are -- until you finish writing them. Or maybe even when you see someone else reading them. "Would a normal person write this?" I ask myself. And the answer is an obvious "no."

They're strange, weird, off-beat, and sometimes a bit unsettling. But what did you expect? These are twisted funny poems.

And good news, all the poems on this page are free! Read them. Share them - as long as they are for your own personal use and gift-giving. For more information, please see our terms of use.

Okay, I didn't admit to myself how macabre the following poem is until I saw the artist's illustration for it. It's on page 26 of my book,
A Little Bit of Nonsense . It was gory! Something out of a horror flick. And I don't like horror flicks. Go figure.

The art you see below is a less disturbing version of the original vision by the artist, Julie Martin.

A Garden More Than Odd
Mary Merksam Maxim Dodd
has a garden more than odd.
She thinks it just a handsome treat
to grow a prickly row of feet.
The next row, shock, to your surprise
is tender shoots of long-lashed eyes.
It won't at all allay your fears
to see her row of hairy ears.
And right next to her prize won roses
is a row of sneezing noses.

She sprinkles antihistamine
and wipes the noses dry and clean.
Her favorite row, of few demands
is one made up of waving hands.
How does she tend her garden patch?
She enters quick, and draws the latch.
She feeds her "plants" some roast beef lean,
potatoes, mashed, and lima beans.
She grinds it with her handheld mixer,
makes a helpful "plant" elixir.

But I've often heard her gripe,
"What will I do, when they come ripe?"
As some will run off in the breeze,
and some will snap and some will sneeze.
But some will see her hopeful face,
and to her joy, will stay in place.

by Denise Rodgers

Copyright© Denise Rodgers
A Little Bit of Nonsense
All Rights Reserved
Art by Julie Martin




Okay, the title of the upcoming poem is a hint -- and I won't give away any more than that! I wrote this twisted funny poem while chuckling to myself. I think it's funny! Some friends and family, however, said that it's not appropriate for children. Because of that, I've never submitted it for print, and I think that it might be a mistake.

It is kind of gruesome. . . but no more gruesome (to me) than when the roadrunner goes "splat."

Annabelle Cannabelle Stanislav Jones
Annabelle Cannabelle Stanislav Jones
spends all of her time simply chewing on bones
“I don’t much like veggies or salad or bread.
I’d rather eat roast meat or flank steak instead.”
But what of her meat bill? She hasn’t much money,
and brisket and beef are much dearer than honey.
“I don’t owe the butcher a single red cent.
The meat shop is not where my money is spent.”

And where are her father, her mother and sister?
“I don’t see them much, and I can’t say I’ve missed her.”
And where is her dog and her neighbor’s red cat?
Ann burped and said, “I don’t know about that?”
And so she just sits there and chews on her bones,
that Annabelle Cannabelle Stanislav Jones.

by Denise Rodgers

Copyright© Denise Rodgers

All Rights Reserved

Art by Julie Martin

The title character of the next twisted funny poem is twisted in an apparently less gruesome way. He eats weird food. When I visit schools, kids love being grossed out by the fact that he eats toothpaste. Maybe it's because toothpaste is the most edible "food" item in the poem. Or maybe it' s justs so pleasantly disgusting to see toothpaste on a slice of bread!

Herbert Hillbert Hubert Snod
Herbert Hillbert Hubert Snod
was known for eating all things odd.
The thing that bothered me the most
was he spread toothpaste on his toast.
“It’s springtime fresh, so cool and minty.”
His smiling eyes were bright and squinty.

On baked potatoes, he would slather
one half can of shave cream lather.
I don’t know how his tum could cope
as he ingested cubes of soap.
At times his food choice made a scene;
at least he kept his innards clean.

by Denise Rodgers

Copyright© Denise Rodgers

All Rights Reserved

A Little Bit of Nonsense
Art by Julie Martin

Okay, so I love twisted funny poems. And weird people. (I should take second or tenth look at my husband to see if he's really normal.)

Matthew Brindle, the title character of the next poem, has a unique world view. He'd rather see everything with a heels-over-head approach. It makes for a satisfying funny twisted poem.

Matthew Brindle, Upside Down
Matthew Brindle, bright and strong
has his ups and downs all wrong.
Walks around on his his two hands,
making very few demands.
Humble from his airborne toes
right down to his earthbound nose.
Works with head down on his seat.
In the air are his two feet.
Matt's boss said that he's no shirker,
is in fact, a model worker.
"Always thinks of something new . . .
I guess that's just his point of view."

by Denise Rodgers

Copyright© Denise Rodgers

All Rights Reserved

A Little Bit of Nonsense Art by Julie Martin

Take a trip to the dark side of a restaurant in the next twisted funny poem. It's on page 30 of my book, A Little Bit of Nonsense . It's hard to tell what's worse -- the food or the servers.