Funny Valentine Poems

Are you looking for some funny Valentine poems for your special someone? The funny poems on this page should hit the spot. Please feel free to share the poems on this page with your sweetheart. It might even be a good idea to choose and customize some funny Valentine poetry and make it your own. See our terms of use for more information.

The first funny Valentine poem on this page was written by special request for a reader in the UK. The request was specifically for a "funky, funny Valentine Day poem for my bf." After much contemplation, and a quick trip to my online dictionary for clarification, ("funky" brought dreadlocks and red socks to mind, and I wasn't sure that was what I should be going for), I finally wrote the following funny Valentines Day poem.

Valentine Heart


My Funky Valentine
You’re my funky Valentine.
You always make me feel so fine.
My favorite love, my best, my friend,
And that is why I want to send
A poem to thrill you to your socks,
A poem that sings, a poem that rocks,
A poem to spin you on your head,
(unless you’d like a kiss instead!)
and if that’s not enough for you -–
I’ll up the score -- and give you two!
(or three or four or eight or nine)
for you, my funky Valentine.


by Denise Rodgers

Copyright© Denise Rodgers

All Rights Reserved

Art Copyright©clipartandcrafts.com

Note: My “Dashboard” dictionary on my MacIntosh calls “funky” modern or stylish in an unconventional way. (It also says “smelling strong or bad.” I think we’ll go with the first meaning -- even if the second meaning might make sense for a funny Valentine poem!)


The next poem is the least humorous of the funny Valentine poems on this page. It is a rather straightforward love poem. The illustration is a little less than serious to make up for this.

Take your choice of "handsome" or "lovely" to make the poem your own.




You're Handsome (You're Lovely)
You’re handsome. (You're lovely)
You're special.
I love you.
It’s true.
There’s no one
On earth
Just for me
Quite like you.

How else can
I say
I am yours;
You are mine?
The question is
Will you
Be my
Valentine?

by Denise Rodgers

Copyright© Denise Rodgers

All Rights Reserved



The next funny Valentine poem is about the simple pleasure of holding hands. The art? Well, I didn't realize it, but I'm starting to develop a collection of stuffed chickens and other birds, and I thought they might enjoy illustrating this poem. It's light. It's sweet. It's a funny Valentine poem!

holding hands

Your Hand in Mine
Chocolate hearts are sweet,
That’s true.
But not as sweet
As me and you.

Roses are red
(or pink or white)
but not half as lovely
as you,
tonight.

Jewels are dazzling.
They sparkle and shine.
But nothing is sparkly
As your hand in mine.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

by Denise Rodgers

Copyright© Denise Rodgers

All Rights Reserved




The next funny Valentine poem is all about having fun on Valentine's Day. Remember, if you don't share funny Valentine poetry, it just sits there collecting dust. So choose this poem or one of the next and have a great Valentine's Day!

champagne

Frisky
It’s time to get frisky, or
Sit back, relax.
Have fun to the max.
It’s time to pour champagne
Straight out of the bottle.
It’s time to get risky and live
To full throttle.
It’s time to smell roses
And have your own way.
Will you be mine on this
Valentine’s Day?

by Denise Rodgers



Copyright© Denise Rodgers

All Rights Reserved

Art copyright Tosti Asti Spumante




The next funny Valentine poem is a bit on the loopy side, and therefore much less romantic. Share this with your special someone only if he or she enjoys an off-beat sense of humor, or if you're absolutely certain that s/he would just love a funny (rather than romantic) Valentine poem.

smile

Your Smile
Your smile is as bright
As a spot light set high.
Your eyes have a sizzle
Like grease set to fry.
Your teeth are as white as
My clothes after bleach.
Your cheeks are as smooth as
A freshly plucked peach.
I say all these things just to
Make you feel fine,
Before I say, Valentine,
Will you be mine?

by Denise Rodgers



Copyright© Denise Rodgers

All Rights Reserved



The next funny Valentine poem has an unhappy second stanza. (That's the part that makes it funny!) You could always use the first stanza (six lines) and add "Be my Valentine" for a perfectly happy funny Valentine's Day poem.

Or, use the whole poem if there is someone out there that you'd like to smack with a candy box.

bread and butter

Will You Be My Valentine?
Will you be my Valentine
And say your heart will soon be mine
And then we’ll walk, two hearts entwined
So glad together, such a find.
Like quick and sand, like bread and butter,
You make my heart feel all aflutter.

What’s that, you say you’d rather not!
I always knew you were a snot.
I would not take you on a bet.
You’re gross, you’re mean, you stink, and yet
Your face, your look that grins and mocks . . .
I’ll smack it with a candy box.

by Denise Rodgers



Copyright© Denise Rodgers

All Rights Reserved



The next (and last) funny Valentine poem on this page is intended to console you as you sit on the couch watching "Sleepless in Seattle," alone, on Valentine's Day, with a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's. (If this poem reflects your thoughts, that's probably the way that you prefer it.)

ice cream dish

If You Love Me
If you love me,
(say it’s true),
I’ll need a box of
Sweets from you.
Some chocolate chunks,
Some luscious bites,
Two boxes, please,
If that’s all right,
Some long-stemmed roses,
Stored on ice,
Delivered fresh
Would be so nice.
And while we’re at it,
Oh, so grand,
Would be a lovely
Diamond band.
What’s that you say?
You have to work?
(I swear each man
is such a jerk!)

by Denise Rodgers



Copyright© Denise Rodgers

All Rights Reserved

Art Credit: Ben and Jerry's
Copyright© Ben and Jerry's


I wish everyone a fantastic Valentine's Day, whether you prefer to enjoy it with your special someone, a dish of ice cream, or both.

If you've enjoyed these funny Valentine poems, please go to my HOME PAGE for a complete funny poetry selection.

Or, if you prefer, go directly to:

Funny Anniversary Poems
(for some more funny romantic poems, some of which could be suited for use as a funny Valentine poetry), or go to

Twisted Funny Poems

Funny Sonnets

Funny Rhyming Poems